Jason Wong
Years ago in school, our teachers taught us to take pity, to be kind, to have mercy. They taught us to share, to give the benefit of the doubt, to be fair. But they were mumbling under their breath about this or that adult thing that we didn’t understand and cannot remember.
Years ago in school, we nodded and sat down obediently because we knew that if we didn’t, something terrible would happen to us. What, we didn’t know, but it was terrible and that was enough. But we were smart. We knew the Rules. You can’t hit someone, but you can still hurt them. You can’t kick someone, but you can isolate them.
Years ago in school, the very same children who wrote essays about kindness and fairness would turn on each other when the teacher left. Tear each other down within an inch of the Rules. The Man wasn’t watching. And the world was cruel. We heard one thing from our elders, and saw another.
Kindness was for special occasions. A gift in limited supply, meant only for the people you care about. A disguise, to avoid people picking you out. You could sense it. Kindness was the norm, yet it was not. Kindness was handed out in little packets, one at a time, to the person directly in front of you. It lets you into someone else’s space. But you didn’t have to feel anything. That would take too much energy.
So we took our tests and played our games. We made some friends and lost others. One time, we fell in love, but when we were turned down, the coat of paint on our love fell off and it turned to hate. We said cruel things and celebrated whenever something bad happened to them. Their misery amused us. “Vengeance”, we told ourselves. “Why should I offer you kindness?”
Kindness was an exchange you see, even when we were dealing with someone who could offer none. I help you, you help me. You can’t help me, I won’t help you. Why spend all that energy if we get nothing in return?
And so we were told about the kids in Africa who had nothing to eat, that we should finish our food, and donate our spare change before getting off the plane. We were told that it would be used to give them water pumps, and mosques. We would save them.
We were told about the builders on the construction sites, black migrants to a man. They had no degrees, even though some had engineering degrees. They had not paid attention in school, even though they spoke more languages than us. “Study hard, my children, or you will end up like them.” We didn’t want to end up like them. We didn’t want work in the sun all day. We definitely didn’t want to be black. That would just make things worse.
We heard about the war. We didn’t care much which war. It was just “the war”. It changed every few years. It was on the news, and people collected donations and said prayers. Sometimes our teachers would feel brave and ask us if we knew anything else about “the war”. The class nerd piped up because they watched the news, but nobody else cared. Back to regular syllabus stuff.
We took PTPTN when we entered university. “Get a degree, and you’ll have a job that you can pay back your loan with.” Fair enough. We weren’t like those scroungers. We’re good people. We pay back what we owe. We studied. Wrote papers. Made some bad decisions and some good ones.
The university raised our fees halfway through. That’s no good. 3 more years of repayments. But what to do? The contract is signed. When our friends got arrested for protesting for our rights, we wanted to help, but it was too dangerous. Keep your head down. 4 years and you’re done, and none of this will be your problem. They were awfully noisy anyway, and we needed to study. Leave it to the privileged kids, those law students will be rich someday.
Out to work. Nobody was hiring accountants. 30 hours a week at the shops. I was willing to work for less. Sucks to be that other guy they fired. At least it’s not minimum wage. Nobody can live on that. Got a side gig selling insurance. Time to call all my classmates. They’re customers to me now. Keep your head down. The job will come. Right?
The world is cruel. And kindness is in limited supply. Got to look out for our kind. Nobody else will.
We saw a woman accuse a politician of rape. A shame that happened. But he’s awfully rich, and she is not. Maybe she’s just trying to get money? What’s wrong with all these people? They don’t study hard, mix in with the wrong crowd, and now they have to resort to this to get money. A shame that happened.
We saw some African people hanging out outside a shop. “Gangs” we thought. Who hangs out outside? Lepak is different. Now we’re afraid of going in that shop. One of them had an iPhone and a watch. Must be rich. Actually they survived the famine in Somalia and found work here. But we never asked.
We saw the builders from the construction sites. They were done for the day. Come to the shops to drink. “Hope they don’t get drunk”. “Crime is on the rise in this area”. They live 14 to a room and their passports are locked away in the bosses’ drawer and the cops come every month for duit kopi. But that’s not our problem. Don’t care if they’re engineers or speak 4 languages. They drink.
We read about a Syrian man at the airport. He’s been there for months, trapped, waiting for a visa so he can join his family in Canada. Must be the war. He’s running from it. But they’ve been feeding him chicken. I wish I could sleep all day and have free chicken. Fuck him. Asking for his rights and all that crap. He should be thankful we haven’t sent him back. He was arrested the next day. Maybe they sent him back.
We read they’ve changed the PTPTN rules. Cancelled the blacklist. No fair! If I didn’t pay my loans, I would have been on the blacklist. A friend of mine missed out on a job in Hong Kong because of the blacklist. But they found work eventually, and they paid back their loan too. They even have a car now. If we can do it, anybody can. These kids, they have cars and phones. I could have been on the blacklist, these kids should be on the blacklist.
And now they’re complaining about this au-to-no-mi. What even is that? The government wants to let them set up political clubs. Alamak! Can you imagine if they had money for more loudspeakers? Lucky they were poor when I was at university. I would never have been able to get my study done. Sure, I had to pay an extra 3 years of loans because the fees went up, but the protesting was never going to work anyway. I bet some of those kids didn’t even vote. This isn’t their country. It’s mine.
And now they’re asking for RM1800/month! It took me a whole year to get that salary! I’m a manager now, how am I supposed to explain this to my boss? I survived 900 a month. They should too. People these days don’t know how to 受苦 (take hardship). Maybe if they spent less time protesting and more time treating their boss well, they’d get a promotion. Cleaners and farmers get promotions, right?
Years ago in school, our teachers taught us to take pity, to be kind, to have mercy. They taught us to share, to give the benefit of the doubt, to be fair. But they were mumbling under their breath about this or that adult thing. We don’t remember. We think we understand now.
Or maybe we don’t? Maybe our teachers also didn’t understand, and so when we think we understand them, we do not understand at all. Values are just values. Practice makes them real. The world is cruel. It is complicated. But it runs on rules. Rules that we made up. Rules we’re tired of following. Rules we’re tired of bending. Maybe some of these rules need to be broken.
I’m one of the lucky ones. I kept my faith in people. I can go on about political theory and economics and social change but I know not everyone is interested. Today I just want to say three things.
First, maybe if when we see a problem, instead of deciding whether the victim is suffering enough to warrant our pity, we instead wondered about how to fix the problem? Maybe we wouldn’t all be so afraid of each other then.
Second, maybe if we could see that sometimes, we can all do what’s right for ourselves individually, and still end up causing a problem for society as a whole? Sometimes people get in trouble through no fault of their own. Sometimes there isn’t a single person to blame when things go wrong. The problem is still there. It still needs fixing.
Third, I think we can all agree that we want to live in a world where we can take pity, be kind, have mercy. Or maybe even a world where everyone’s doing fine and there’s nobody that needs taking pity on. Our elders tell us that we’ll grow out of our idealism, that we have to change to fit the world. But maybe, if the world is stopping us from taking pity, being kind, and having mercy, then it’s the world that needs to change, and we’re the ones that have to change it?